Saturday, July 20, 2013

Side job

Wow, coming up with a blog post once a year is brutal.

In all seriousness(or total satire), I’ve been mad busy the last 12 months sifting through PRISM data for my Uncle Steven. People might think all this crap is sooper top secret only visible to the highest echelons of the “intelligence community,” but the naked truth is that family members of those in positions of power can score some pretty sweet gigs and make a decent secondary income. I have a regular job, but coming home and getting paid to drink beer, listen to “private” telephone calls and read everyone’s else’s “private” emails is kind of intoxicating in itself. It’s already public knowledge that most of this information gathering is handled by third party contractors; what isn’t commonly known is that little old ladies trying to supplement their social security checks, college students trying to pay off their loans and bored nephews like me get paid to sift through this cesspool of phone sex, stupid cat videos and Amway chain letters in the comfort of their own home.

I mean, if you stop and really think about it, the interweb tubes are very very not small and there’s just no way to sift through all that crap WITHOUT us.

The guidelines are a little vague on what to report…for good reason. Most “evil doers” don’t come right out and announce their intentions; they use cryptic language, innuendos and code speak in their communications. Some of them are even clever enough to state right off the bat that everything that follows is satire.

So initially, I didn’t exactly have my pick of the bundle I was to review. A bundle is code for an association, or network or anything that has a formal structure. Lone Wolves are both an anomaly and rare. True threats exercise the power rooted in the organizational structure behind them. If you’re a social loser with no friends on Facebook, no friends on Skype and no friends in the meat world, then…well…noone cares about you so why should we?

Having said that, if you’re a social recluse and avoid unnecessary human contact, then we might just have a job opening for you.

It cuts both ways.

It took some doing but I finally convinced my handlers that the Brady Bunch, the VPC, CSGV, GNG, PEG and the gaggle of others are just front groups for the NRA, which is a potential threat to the powers that be.

You need to read this for the background

What comes next will blow your mind...the internal "private" phone calls and emails of the antis. I have to be careful, but you need to know.

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1 comment:

dustydog said...

I expect the anti-gun laws to be paralleled and inverse-paralleled with cell phones.

The more police rely on people carrying their cell phones to track their location, will trigger laws:

Mandatory reporting for lost/stolen phones or phones with dead batteries

requiring permission to share a phone or travel without a phone

banning Saturday Night Special phones not tied to unique personal information