Saturday, January 1, 2011

You can keep your dropping apple...

Well it’s New Years Eve and I still have about 3 hours before 2011 rolls in so that’s plenty of time to share some of the traditions practiced by my friends and family.

First thing we like to do is get nice and drunk. Not that we really need a special day to knock back a few, but it’s nice once a year to buy beer with a colored label and an actual name. Ya, we go all out. Plus, our own rendition is that everyone has to chug a 6-pack first thing New Years Eve morning before they go pee in the plugged up bath tub. Whoever is “the one” who causes the tub to overflow has to mop up the floor and scrub down the bathroom walls within a week or so.

Then it’s on to the food. We always prepare all our NYE meals on the grill but we’re usually all out of charcoal by then since we send all our lumps of coal to the Brady Campaign for Christmas. So we all stand in a circle around the grill with our short barreled rifles and fire into the ground(for safety) and cook with the muzzle flash. The next time someone asks you why you need a semi-auto with a Hi-cap magazine, tell them to try to cook hash browns with a bolt-action!

We each have our specialty, mine is jalapeño poppers. I slice the pepper open and get the cream cheese nice and gooey hot first with some wildcat .223 rounds from the Carbon-15 and then dip the whole thing in batter and lighter fluid and stuff it down the barrel of my 12 gauge(perfect fit) shotgun. Firing straight up in the air, it gets a good crisp on the outside and has enough time to cool on the way down for some lucky duck to catch it in their mouth.

The secret to good cooking is not to be afraid of trying new things…

Uncle Bubba slings a mean flaming Slim Jim with his Winchester 30-30.
Aunt Bobby Sue makes a stuffed olive with her Desert Eagle that is to die for, and she can garnish a plate at 50 meters without disturbing the garlic mashed potatoes.
Cousin Billy Joe Jim Bob III, has perfected his “pulled pork” with his clay pigeon launcher and some incendiary rounds and this year, he brought along a small home-made mortar to toast the buns.

But everyone bows to Grandma.

She can grab any .22 ever made and send a Rosemary skewer right through the center of a pork chop at 100 paces and season it with whole peppercorns through her trusty-rusty .410 before the chop stops jiggling.

The kidddies get the airsoft guns and some frozen peas, and they seem content to feed the dogs at 10 paces, but I can see it in their eyes. They want to make some recipes of their own but they just don’t have the proper tools yet.

Truth be told, all our celebrating is pretty much done before midnight rolls around.

Sitting around the campfire cleaning our guns, getting ready for the new year.

1 comment:

Stephen said...

Dang, man, your New Year's sound right about like mine.

Sadly, we did have casualties this year. My friend Bubba lost his wife and sister. Of course, they were the same woman ... ;-)

Happy new year to the man in the Kave and the man in the trailer.