Thursday, January 21, 2010

Fly on the wall at Brady Bunch HQ

Paul: All right, everybody huddle up. We have some rather serious times before us and what we’ve been doing up to this point clearly isn’t working. I think we need some new angles and fresh memes. Share your ideas and remember, this is a brainstorming session so just throw it out there, there are no dumb ideas.

Sarah: Not working? But we have the House, the Senate and the White House chock full of kindred spirits. We won, they lost now let’s get to work everybody!!! Right, Paul?

Dennis: Uh… Sarah, would you be so kind as to go bake some cookies. We’re probably going to be up late tonight and I’m feeling a bit peckish.

Sarah: What kind!?!

Dennis: I can’t see how it matters.

Petey: I could threaten to shoot gun owners again.

Doug: I could publish personal info about people who comment on our blog again.

Josh: The Joyce Foundation cut our fucking funding!

Bryan: My brother is deeaaaaaaaaad! *sniffle*

Paul: This isn’t the feedback I was hoping for. We need to stay within the law and develop some new form of crap that will easily stick to the wall we’re currently banging our heads against. We need something new. Let’s first identify where we stand right now; a brief recap: 1. Heller. Hurt. Us. Bad. 2. We’re going to lose the Chicago ban. 3. We just lost Kennedy’s senate seat to a republican ahead of the midterms. 4. The President has proven to be an abject failure to our cause, going so far as to muzzle his cabinet officials and sign pro-bills into law. All of this rests on a backdrop of looser CCW laws, Castle Doctrine sweeping the land and the NRA not simply surviving, but down-right thriving in an environment we thought would be a nightmare for them just one year ago. That’s where we are, how to we get to where we all want to be?

Dennis: I think it would be prudent to also note the legal limitations we’ll be operating under going forward. Yes, the SCOTUS has ruled the 2A an individual Right to keep functional firearms, including handguns, inside the home for personal self-defense, so continuing our focused attack on these looser CCW laws is something we should maintain regardless of any new approach taken. In addition, the McDonald case ruling striking down the Chicago ban will frame the options available to us so we should brainstorm under a worst case scenario.

All: Agreed.

Kelli: I’m like so totally behind you 100%, Paul!!! You’re ~ an ~ inspiration!!!! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dennis: Uh, Kelli…we’re gonna want some milk with those cookies, there’s a market just down the block.

Petey: Okie-dokie, back to the fundamentals, how about a name change? We all know that the youth is the secret to changing the future and younger, more impressionable folks don’t even know who Ronald Reagan was, much less James Brady. I think we should adopt a name more up to date.

Paul: Suggestions anyone?

Josh: Let’s just be clear that the VPC has no desire to be absorbed under one big umbrella, the Joyce Foundation still covers my salary and the cost of my internet and google account…for now. I’d be willing to talk about it.

Bryan: Hell, sign me up. We can’t even afford to pay the rent on our domain name. I’ll serve under any banner as long as I don’t have to go out and get a real job.

Doug: We need some hip imagery that boosts our street cred and slights the NRA at the same time. How about “American False Idol” or “Dancing with the Blood?”

Dennis: Hmmm… Not sure that would play well for our media allies. I’d suggest a more toned-down identity like “Founding Father’s Future” or “The Queen Mum’s Children.”

Bryan: How about “The Anti-NRA?”

All: OOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paul: Now we’re getting somewhere! Let’s agree to implement this immediately. Now what do we do under this new umbrella?

Dennis: Let’s spend millions renting out convention halls and hold anti-gun shows!

Doug: Let’s call congress critters and tell them we don’t want to exercise our 2A Rights!

Josh: Let’s tell the Joyce Foundation that changing our name is a major victory and very expensive!

Bryan: Let’s close down comments on all our blogs!

Paul: I think we’ve made some great progress and the Gun Lobby, as well as congress and the White House will be in for quite a surprise once they witness our new stark naked power.

Sarah: Cookies are ready!!!! I made Snicker-doodles!!!

Kelli: Ice cold milk, come get your ice cold milk!!!

Dennis: Uhhhh, these are actually cat turds sprinkled with sand and that smells a lot like horse piss.

Paul: Sounds reasonable to me.

Unorganized Militia Gear

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