You will suffer me...what say you!

It never ceases to amaze me that those who are totally ignorant about firearms and firearms laws have the audacity to lecture others as if they’re an authority on the subject.

Like the old saying…if ya can’t shoot ‘em, join ‘em.

Did your child just swallow a bit of window cleaner? Your best bet is blood-letting. I have reams of research by medical experts who endorse blood-letting for everything from poisoning to demon possession. Keep a sharp razor handy at all times and slash away at your kids if they get zits, have a cough or can’t sleep.

Receding hair line? Try sacrificing a virgin and bathing in her blood. Eating the heart while it’s still beating is a nice touch according to one of the most powerful empires South America has ever seen. Just be sure and have a custom blade for the job; the magic only works if the blade “is all curvy and shit.”

Bad at math? Have sex with a goat. I read this on the internet at a site called “Goat sex as easy as 1-2-3” so it must be something or whatever and that.

Girl you like won’t let you play with her fun bags? Try smearing elephant dung in your hair. OK, this is just silly; in the African tribes who actually do this, it’s the females who smear scat on themselves to attract males.

Pants fit too tight? Try taking a dump, always works for me. This one is actually the best piece of advice in this post and that’s sad because it at least still has a logical backstop, which is more than I can say about what I’ve been seeing on various anti threads lately.

It’s not that they’re simply getting desperate, it goes deeper. Their world is crumbling. I’m half tempted to start a business selling mood rings to holophobes that would be advertised to start glowing bright blue when in proximity to someone carrying a concealed firearm.

One ring to fool them all
One ring to risk them
One ring to bring them all
And in the darkness fisk them