Friday, August 17, 2012
Unintended consequences, Part 1
The interweb tubes are pretty cool, granted; but sometimes I just gotta kick it old school.
Hello, this is Senator Lautenberg’s office.
Me: I’d like to speak to Franky-poo.
One moment please, I’ll see if he’s awake.
Me: Thanks sweet-cheeks.
Frank: Huh…Huh…Hello? Where am I? Why are my legs wet?
Me: Good afternoon Sparky, my name is Boca LeDouche and I had a few questions about your gun control legislative efforts for your razor sharp mind and keen intellect.
Frank: Are your from the Brady Campaign?
Me: Well, let’s just say I’ve been there longer than most of their past employees.
Frank: Wow, it’s always an honor to speak to the survivors.
Me: So I understand your position to be that ammunition magazines capable of holding more than 10 rounds should be banned, is that correct?
Frank: Absolutely, there’s no justifiable reason for civilians to own objects which serve only one purpose,,,mass murder
Me: I totally agree, but where will the money come from to pay for confiscating and destroying all the tens of millions already in circulation?
Frank: Wha?…No no no, even if my legislation passes, there won’t be any confiscations.
Me: So you believe that people who already own them can keep them?
Me: For the sole purpose of mass murder?
Frank: Uh, no.
Me: OK, now I’m confused………….What I’m hearing you say is that the criteria for owning an object specifically designed for one reason and one reason only, that being mass murder, is the date on which it is purchased? That sound about right, Senator?
Frank: We have to do something.
Me: I agree, but your legislative effort, regardless of whether or not it’s passed into law, is to encourage people to go buy as many “Hi-cap” mags as their budget will allow as soon as possible. Not to mention encourage the gun manufactures to jack up the prices and send a chunk of their profits to the NRA. Is that what you intended?
Frank: My intention is to help save lives.
Me: Do you believe sending magazine manufactures into overdrive and telling consumers to buy those products in bulk will accomplish that?
Frank: We have to start somewhere. You’re not really with the Brady Campaign are you?
Me: Like I said Senator, razor sharp mind and keen intellect.