Friday, July 31, 2015

GenCon2015 Day 1: YOUR Bell Sucks!!

I have arrived.  Made good time on the road but almost forgot about the time difference again. A quick refresher shower and some organization then a short trip to the floor before one of two main events for the evening.

With only a little while, two tables were closest to the door. 

The Chaldea booth w/ Jen Page (I have tickets for tomorrow night):




And the guys from Dog Might Games.  Makes of some sweet wood gaming accessories:


 I picked up that monocromatic blue beauty in the middle.  More pics later.

 We chatted for a bitbefore I had to run off and get in line for Gamers Live: Curse of the Blind Swordsman.  The title of the post is a reference to a line in it.  It was fully videoed w/ sound effects and crowd participation.  A few very short clips from it:

video
video
video


 Couldn't get my camera to take any decent pics w/o flash so I did these instead. Next up is the 'Late Night Puppet Slam' which I went to last year and had an absolute blast at.  I'll update later w/ hopefully some more video.




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Wednesday, July 22, 2015

To: All Readers

It has been brought to the blog owner's attention that some individuals have been using foul language in the course of normal posting between commenters.  Due to complaints from some of the more easily offended readers, this conduct can no longer be tolerated.

The blog owners do however realize the importance of each person being able to properly express his/her feelings when communicating with their fellow readers.  Therefore, the blog owners have compiled the following code phrases so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in the proud DOOT tradition.

OLD PHRASE                                                 NEW PHRASE

No Fucking Way!                                              I'm not certain that's feasible.

You've got to be shitting me.                              Really?

Tell someone who gives a fuck.                          Perhaps you should check with......

Ask me if I give a fuck.                                      Of course I'm concerned.

It's not my fucking problem.                               I wasn't involved in that project.

What the fuck?                                                  Interesting behavior.

Fuck it, it won't work.                                       I'm not sure I can implement that.

Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner.              I'll try to schedule that.

When the fuck do you expect me to do this?      Perhaps I can work late. 

Who the fuck cares?                                         Are you sure it's a problem?

He's got his head up his ass.                              He's not familiar with the problem.

Eat shit.                                                            You don't say?

Eat shit and die.                                                Excuse me?

What the fuck do they want from my life?          The weren't happy with it?

Kiss my ass.                                                     So you'ld like my help with it?

Fuck it, I'm on salary.                                       I'm a bit overloaded at the mom
ent.
Shove it up your ass.                                        I don't think you understand.

This job sucks.                                                 I love a challenge.

Who the hell died and made you boss?             You want me to take care of this?

Blow me.                                                          I see.

Blow yourself.                                                   Do you see?

Another fucking meeting.                                   Yes. we should discuss this.

I really don't give a shit.                                     I don't think it will be a problem.

Fuck you.                                                        How nice. How very, very nice!

Thank you for your understanding in our attempts to promote Reasoned Discourse amongst our readership.

The DOOT blog team.

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Monday, July 20, 2015

A Package Full Of Gamer Hate

Just in time to hand them out at GenCon

I only had 5 left of my original order from years ago, three of which autographed.  At least one of which is promised to try and divert my painter friend from his evil hobby. I went to look to see if they were still in print.  Lo and behold they were.

Today in the mail I received an envelope w/ this return address:



My true gamer friends now probably have confirmed their suspicions of what I'm talking about.

I opened the envelope and true joy fell out. THE holy grail of 80's era gamer hatred.  Of course I'm speaking of:

DARK DUNGEONS



Yes, 100 brand new copies although they are subtly different from the 2nd ed. ones (yeah, I did that intentionally) that were the same as 1st Ed. w/ the exception of removing references to Tolkein and C.S. Lewis as occult figures.

If you have never read or heard of 'Dark Dungeons' before, that means that #1, you don't read my site often enough, and #2, that you absolutely must. Here is the first panel:

Page 2


Then go here and read the rest. As a friendly warning, do NOT be drinking anything while you're reading it.

They also have made a movie of it which is insanely true to the comic.  Here's the trailer:



Then go here and buy the digital full version.  It is entirely worth it, especially if you watch it w/ subtitles on.

Methinks this weekend is going to be a little Gamer history lesson for the spawnlings as well as some presents to my regular group.


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Saturday, July 18, 2015

1-800-432-5059

So, I decided to test out Oregon’s new background check system. The phone number is available to individuals so my buddy came over and we decided to have some fun.

Ring…ring…ring

The fuzz: Hello, OSP here, what can I do for you?
Kaveman: Just need to temporarily transfer a firearm to my buddy.

The fuzz: So you’re not selling the gun to him?
Kaveman: No, he just wants to see if it fits his hand and test the trigger pull and then go buy a new one if he likes it.

The fuzz: Well………….you don’t really need to do a background check for that.
Kaveman: Oh, yes I do. I’ve read the legislation, have you?

The fuzz: “sigh”……….ya, but, oh never mind, let’s get started.
Kaveman: This is my first time going through this process so be gentle with me.

The fuzz: What’s the recipient’s name and address?
Kaveman: His name is Mike Hawk and he’s homeless.

The fuzz: I need an address.
Kaveman: Well, he has a P.O. Box, will that work?
The fuzz: Uhh………..yeah sure.

The fuzz: I also need your name and address.
Kaveman: My name is kaveman and I own more than one property and live in both an equal amount of time each year.
The fuzz: Where do you receive your mail at?
Kaveman: A P.O. Box.
The: “sigh”…………OK, give me that.

The fuzz: What’s the make, model and serial number of the firearm? Also need the caliber.
Kaveman: It’s a blued steel revolver and holds 6 rounds. Long skinny ones.
The fuzz: No, I need the name of the company who makes it, the model designation, the serial number and the caliber of the ammunition it uses.
Kaveman: Oh, OK…Wal-Mart, it’s called a “blue light special,” and it says “Single-six” on the receiver. The ammunition is the exact same size as my penis, which I’m posting a picture of on your face-book page now.

The fuzz: “sigh” Sir, I understand what you’re doing and I can’t say I blame you. I disagree with this stupid law just as much as you do, possibly even more so since this is now my job instead of working in the community doing something positive which is why I became a police officer to begin with. Having said that, the law is in place, no one is going to actually enforce it and making prank phone calls which ties up police services is a prosecutable offense which we are inclined and motivated to pursue.
Kaveman: So, are saying that I have permission from OSP to ignore “941” in its entirety?
The fuzz: No, I’m saying we won’t enforce the law.
Kaveman: What’s the difference?

The fuzz: The difference is that some pieces of paper make some very ignorant people feel safer while nothing actually changes in the meat world.
Kaveman: Will you click the “like” button on my penis picture?
The fuzz: That’s a picture of half an earthworm, sir, and this phone call is being recorded.
Kaveman: Cool, I’m recording it as well. Now I’m going to send a copy to every member of Oregon’s legislature, thanks for playing along.


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Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Movie Review: Minions

 http://www.moviesonline.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/minions.jpeg


Writers on crack

Little yellow butts

Bad British teeth

Tons of 1960's music and culture references

Fantastic animation

Villain-Con

Really creepy evil clown.

FREEZE RAY!!!!

Yeah.

Definitely its own movie.  Somewhat short attention span theater w/ little hard connecting plotline other than the antics of Bob, Stuart, and Kevin but that was enough to keep me, CinC, and various powers laughing through a good part of it. Part of the problem methinks was all the hype attached to it. People went there expecting the best thing they ever saw in their entire lives and what they got was an entertaining movie.

4/5 stars.


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