1-800-432-5059

So, I decided to test out Oregon’s new background check system. The phone number is available to individuals so my buddy came over and we decided to have some fun.

Ring…ring…ring

The fuzz: Hello, OSP here, what can I do for you?
Kaveman: Just need to temporarily transfer a firearm to my buddy.

The fuzz: So you’re not selling the gun to him?
Kaveman: No, he just wants to see if it fits his hand and test the trigger pull and then go buy a new one if he likes it.

The fuzz: Well………….you don’t really need to do a background check for that.
Kaveman: Oh, yes I do. I’ve read the legislation, have you?

The fuzz: “sigh”……….ya, but, oh never mind, let’s get started.
Kaveman: This is my first time going through this process so be gentle with me.

The fuzz: What’s the recipient’s name and address?
Kaveman: His name is Mike Hawk and he’s homeless.

The fuzz: I need an address.
Kaveman: Well, he has a P.O. Box, will that work?
The fuzz: Uhh………..yeah sure.

The fuzz: I also need your name and address.
Kaveman: My name is kaveman and I own more than one property and live in both an equal amount of time each year.
The fuzz: Where do you receive your mail at?
Kaveman: A P.O. Box.
The: “sigh”…………OK, give me that.

The fuzz: What’s the make, model and serial number of the firearm? Also need the caliber.
Kaveman: It’s a blued steel revolver and holds 6 rounds. Long skinny ones.
The fuzz: No, I need the name of the company who makes it, the model designation, the serial number and the caliber of the ammunition it uses.
Kaveman: Oh, OK…Wal-Mart, it’s called a “blue light special,” and it says “Single-six” on the receiver. The ammunition is the exact same size as my penis, which I’m posting a picture of on your face-book page now.

The fuzz: “sigh” Sir, I understand what you’re doing and I can’t say I blame you. I disagree with this stupid law just as much as you do, possibly even more so since this is now my job instead of working in the community doing something positive which is why I became a police officer to begin with. Having said that, the law is in place, no one is going to actually enforce it and making prank phone calls which ties up police services is a prosecutable offense which we are inclined and motivated to pursue.
Kaveman: So, are saying that I have permission from OSP to ignore “941” in its entirety?
The fuzz: No, I’m saying we won’t enforce the law.
Kaveman: What’s the difference?

The fuzz: The difference is that some pieces of paper make some very ignorant people feel safer while nothing actually changes in the meat world.
Kaveman: Will you click the “like” button on my penis picture?
The fuzz: That’s a picture of half an earthworm, sir, and this phone call is being recorded.
Kaveman: Cool, I’m recording it as well. Now I’m going to send a copy to every member of Oregon’s legislature, thanks for playing along.

Movie Review: Minions

 


Writers on crack

Little yellow butts

Bad British teeth

Tons of 1960's music and culture references

Fantastic animation

Villain-Con

Really creepy evil clown.

FREEZE RAY!!!!

Yeah.

Definitely its own movie.  Somewhat short attention span theater w/ little hard connecting plotline other than the antics of Bob, Stuart, and Kevin but that was enough to keep me, CinC, and various powers laughing through a good part of it. Part of the problem methinks was all the hype attached to it. People went there expecting the best thing they ever saw in their entire lives and what they got was an entertaining movie.

4/5 stars.

Palladium SDC Worlds: Technicals

The Poor Man's armor. I've always liked the concept of Technicals ever since I read about the 'Toyota War'. Realistically, it's about the only option for mobile medium/heavy weapons for a non-industrial force.  The maintenance alone on most tanks or heavy vehicles, never mind logistics, is nearly impossible unless one has a dedicated and supported motor pool.

So what's that poor Guerrilla leader or Warlord supposed to do to fight against the oppressive forces of Capitalism?  Why use their own largesse against them.  Pickup trucks are everywhere and most can be maintained with modicum of skill and basic materials.  They're also fast, relatively sturdy, and can carry cargo.  Some structural re-enforcement, a rigged heavy gun, some crazy crewmembers and you have yourself an improvised mechanized force all of your very own.  While unlikely that they can stand up to organized heavy armor/air support, they do provide a tactical advantage against unorganized/lone units, local militias, or light/non-motorized troops.

I'm going to focus on Macross Era ROBOTECH 1st Ed. stats but most will be comparable to any Palladium Games modern SDC setting.  Various versions are shown in RDF Manual encounters and the AZO-Recon II in Strike Force.

Part I: The Vehicle

Pick-up Trucks are the most common form of Technical followed by Jeeps, SUV's, Landrovers (Main Book Pg 75), Dune Buggies (Main Book Pg76), combat cars, and reconnaissance vehicles (such as the AAR-Recon II ,Main Book Pg74 or BRDM-2, ).

Combat: Light armor; A.R.: 8; 3 M.D.C./350 S.D.C. Speed:
110mph (176.9kmph). Range: 500 miles (804.5km).
Jeep: A.R.: 5; 4 M.D.C./400 S.D.C. Speed: 120mph (193kmph).
Range: 500 miles (804.5km).
Small Truck: A.R.: 5; 4 M.D.C./400 S.D.C. Speed: 120mph
(193kmph). Range: 500 miles.

THE LAND ROVER
The Land Rover is a lightly armored reconnaissance vehicle suitable
for rough terrain. It is a sturdy, open-air vehicle commonly used by all
military branches of the world governments.
Vehicle Type: Military utility truck.
Crew: One pilot and up to five passengers (3 comfortably).
A.R.: 10 (S.D.C.)
M.D.C. and S.D.C by Location:
*Main Body — 6 M.D.C./600 S.D.C.
Wheels — 50 S.D.C.
Headlights — 10 S.D.C.
*If all M.D.C./S.D.C. of the main body is depleted, the
vehicle is destroyed.
Speed: 120mph (193kmph)
Range: 500 miles (804.50km)
Length: 24ft (7.3m)
Weight: 3.8 tons

RV-B DUNE BUGGY
A common, military and recreational vehicle which enjoys renewed
popularity in the devastated lands of Earth. It is a tough, well designed
vehicle, well suited to the extensive, parched lands, broken and mangled
roads and rough terrain. Although its maximum speed is limited, it can
ride through the rugged, rocky and rolling wilderness without sacrificing
that speed or mobility.
Vehicle Type: Utility Vehicle
Crew: One pilot and up to 5 passengers (3 comfortably)
A.R.: 8 (S.D.C.)
M.D.C. and S.D.C. by Location:
*Main Body — 4 M.D.C./400 S.D.C.
Wheels (6) — 50 S.D.C.
Headlights (2) — 10 S.D.C. each
*If the M.D.C./S.D.C. of the main body is depleted, the
vehicle is destroyed. This vehicle can function even if it loses
one front wheel on each side.
Speed: 110mph (176.9kmph)
Range: 500 miles (804.5km)
Length: lift (3.3m)
Weight: 2.8 tons

Part II: The Weapon:

Heavy Machine Guns, Auto-Cannons, Recoil-less  Rifles, AA platforms, Rocket Pods... all are examples of weapons that can (and have) been attached to Technicals.  About the only restrictions are weight (a Ford F-250 would be able to carry an Abrams turret) and high yield energy weapons.  As for the latter, this is more of a restriction on power supply requirements than size.  In the Macross setting, Protoculture/Nuclear generators/super turbines necessary for most energy weapons are still large enough to make it a less than feasible use.  Later generations (such as Invid Invasion) could use Cells/E-clips to power energy weapons. Just about any of the heavy weapons in the E.B.S.I.S. Weapons page could be used.

Some other ideas:
Recoil-less rifles
This weapon looks like a bazooka or rocket launcher (see antitank
weapons). Fires a single, antitank round. Weight: 35lbs (16kg),
unloaded. Feed: Breech. Rate of Fire: (rapid) 10 rounds per minute
(max. of 5 rounds) - sustained rate of 1 round per minute. When
firing at the rapid rate, a 15 minute cooling period must be observed
after every 5 rounds. Effective Range: 1200ft (400m). Blast
Radius: 80ft (24m). Damage: 1D10 M.D. or 1D10 x 100 S.D.C.

32mm Auto Cannon (as found on Gladiator (Main Book Pg 59 or Commanchero Attack Helicoptor (Main Book Pg 73)
Does 2D6 M.D. short burst, 4D6 M.D. long
burst, 6D6 M.D. for one full melee of continuous fire (each is considered
to be one attack regardless of the size of burst). Range: 4000ft (1310m).
24 shells are fired per melee on a
full melee burst, 12 in a long and 6 in a short burst.

Twin 23mm GSh-23 Auto Cannon (as found on various EBSIS MIGs) (RDF Manual Pg 32)
Mega-Damage: 1D6 per burst (10 rounds)
Rate of Fire: Six bursts per melee.
Range: 4000 feet (1310m)


ZU-23-2 AA mount
2 × 23 mm 2A14 autocannons
2D8 short burst (10rnds), 1D6x5 Long Burst (20 rnds), 1D6x10 Full Melee Burst (40 Rnds).
RoF: 4 short, 2 long, 1 Full Melee Burst
Effective Range 2.5 miles


Missile Pods (as found on Commanchero Attack Helicoptor(Main Book Pg 73) or Veritech (Strike Force Pg 41)

Heavy Laser Rifle (Main Book Pg79)
This is a much more powerful weapon, but requires the use of a
heavy, back-pack generator (16 lbs) and, limited range. However,
it does inflict mega-damage. Feed: 20 shots. Weight: 9lbs (4.1kg),
rifle; and 16lbs (7.3kg), generator. Effective Range: 900ft (270m).
Damage: 1D6 mega-damage (M.D.) per blast (that's 1D6 x 100
S.D.C.).

Pt III: Armor:
Pick-Up's, Jeeps, SUV's, other civilian vehicles:  For every 500 S.D.C./5MDC added in armor, increase A.R. by 1 (if applicable) and decrease speed and range by 10%

Land Rovers, Combat Cars, Recon, other light military vehicles. For every 1000 S.D.C./10 MDC added in armor, increase A.R. by 1 (if applicable) and decrease speed/range by 10%.

Examples: You can see some examples in the movie Blackhawk Down and even one in the original Terminator movie.