Do what you know

Sorry I haven’t been on top of all this mass shooting business but I’ve been busy trying to get a raise at work. I’ve been riding my boss hard for months now trying to show him how important I am and how the business will absolutely fail without me being all fat and happy.

I just don’t know why I’m failing, but this time, this time will be different.

Kaveman: Hey boss-man, I’ve given you an “F” in the “giving out raises” department, and I cc’d the CEO.
Boss: Ya, I saw that kave.
Kaveman: I also started a Facebook page dedicated to calling you a poopy-head until you give me what I want.
Boss: Uh, do you really think that’s going to work?
Kaveman: It’s got to work eventually, right?
Boss: Kave, you’ve been calling me a poopy-head to my face for over a year now and so far, ignoring you seems to work after a week or so, your FB page is even easier to ignore that you in person.
Kaveman: What if I start using capitol letters on FB when I call you a POOPY-HEAD?
Boss: You’re not listening, Kave.
Kaveman: Then perhaps you could explain it to me if you’re not too busy exploiting pregnant slave children to make your widgets which fuel your coke and hooker habit?

Boss: Kave, you keep doing the same thing over and over…and it’s not working. I keep ignoring you which DOES achieve the results which I want. Now it’s to the point that even if you change course this very instant, my default will be to always ignore you, even if you have something useful to contribute.

Kaveman: I don’t understand.

Boss: That’s why I’m the boss.

Kaveman: Well, if I can’t have a raise, can I at least take this Friday off.

Boss: Sure thing Buddy, got anything special planned?

Kaveman: Well, my neighbor’s dog keeps coming over into my yard and eating my chickens, so I was going to light a candle and walk around in a big circle to see if that’ll make him stop.

Boss: Sounds good Kave, see ya on Monday.