Sometimes I feel so sorry for gun-grabbers that I gotsa give 'em a bone by confirming their deepest desires.
I woke up this morning in a drunken stupor and a bad mood. My neighbor's dog was barking at some bird, so I shot him with a .50 cal. The exploding guts was fantastic and actually gave me a full erection, which I amused myself with until it went all splody on me.
I was a bit low on groceries so my breakfast consisted of pan fried oysters on some sour-dough bread with a bit of Thousand-Island sauce. I rounded it all out with the limited remnants of my neighbor's dead dog smothered in BBQ sauce atop some seasoned Jasmine rice.
Then I slaughtered my other neighbor who dresses up like a nun every sunday. She wasn't all that enthusiastic about my ventures but she did warm up a bit after I set her face on fire.
Checking the pantry, I realized that I was even lower on dog and cat food. Already knowing the high cost of feeding these beasts, I mutilated and killed my other neighbor and stole their pet supplies.
I still needed a bit of food for my own tummy so I grabbed my CCW permit and my .357 magnum and went to the local grocery store.
My local grocery store is a "gun-free zone" so I didn't need to waste any time clipping coupons. I loaded up on the basics like shrimp baskets and garlic infused pork products.
Two of the employees had a problem with me simply rolling the full cart out the door withour paying for it. I shot one in the face and the other in the back as she was running awaying screaming something about "I never thought this could happen here."
They didn't have any chew toys for my dog, so I made a seperate murderous spree for those.
By the time I made it back home, the SWAT team was already assembled in an area where my dog poops. My first thought was that these guys are NOT coming inside my house unless they scrape their shoes.
Shootout ensues, blah blah blah; but their service pistols were no match for my freakishly small penis inspired AK-47.
Had a good dinner.