Thursday, February 26, 2009

Did you know that starting a church is...well, goddamn easy?

Two weeks ago I went over to my buddie's house for a 2A photo shoot, more on that later. We got to talking about all the things you're not supposed to mention in the work place: politics, guns and religion.

The conversation staring condensing around the idea that if the courts have already decided that Native Americans can use peyote in their religious/spiritual ceremonies, regardless of federal and state drug laws; what would the courts have to say about the use of guns as a tenent of a religious/spiritual faith if those practices were in conflict with federal or state laws?

So naturally, we started a church on that sunday afternoon.

Before you start laughing, give this some serious thought. Long has the 2nd Amendment offered its protection to the 1st Amendment, and all the rest. Isn't it about time that the 1st Amendment repaid its debts in kind?

We are serious about developing this, even to the point of formal membership and legal protection. The "Holey Book" is already being written.

The antis incorrectly say we worship guns already, but what we truly worship is the concept of freedom.

The light-bringer says we cling to guns and religion? Let us embrace that insult and return it with vengence.

My buddy (might appear as "barbarian" here) took the time to fire the opening salvo:

Welcome to..........The Church of G.O.D. (Gun Owning Disciples)

We hold that all persons, while not created equal, have an equal innate desire for freedom, especially freedom from harm, slavery and tyranny. This desire demands an ability to defend ones self, ones family and loved ones. This is both an innate right and a sacred personal responsibility and its’ infringement cannot and will not be tolerated. The pursuit of happiness must always be matched with power or any true security is nothing but hopeful illusion.
To grow spiritually one must be, and ever will there be those who wish to end another’s’ being, thus ever will there be need for knowledge of arms. We accept this reality and prepare. Other paths may lead to joy but that which is built upon the benevolence of others is but a temple built on sand. Thus we build our temple on a foundation of blued steel. We are the Gun Owning Disciples and we live in peace. We do not ask for peace, we do not beg for peace, we demand it, for it is ours by right. We choose never to live in fear of evil but to walk the path of the peaceful warrior, ever vigilant, and the world is safer and better wherever we walk. So long as evil persons and organizations exist, walk this path we will. We live everywhere in the world and are of all races, creeds, colors, sexes and nationalities. We have awakened to the need for our own self defense and no person or government or law or threat or propaganda will ever alter this. Be ye evil with intent to harm, be ye good but merely misguided in attempts to disarm, beware!

Brothers and Sisters, can I get an Amen?

37 comments:

Bob S. said...

Amen, I am already a member of one church...can I get an associate membership into The Church of G.O.D. (Gun Owning Disciples).

Living in Texas, I'm sure my current Pastor won't mind :)

the pistolero said...

Amen, brother.

Molon Labe said...

If you're looking to pass something out as "communion", please let it be .223/5.56 ammo. It's getting G.O.Ddamn expensive!

illinois Vote said...

Have you ever heard of the Universal Life Church of Modesto Ca?

You can become a minister on line. http://www.ulchq.com/ordination.htm

Not a trap. I've been ordained from 10/03/05. A Texas LEO told me about it.
Praise the Lord Brother and pass the Ammo!

Petey said...

AMEN!!!

Preach the truth, my brother!

Baptize me in the sweet sulfer smoke of burning powder.

Petey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Saj said...

Amen....and please pass the .223


*crap*

Does this mean I have to tithe a 10% of my ammunition?

drjim said...

AMEN, brother!
Where is my nearest temple?

Dock said...

I... have seen the light!

I am converting! Oh, I feel the inner peace!

Electricfunk said...

Amen brother, where do I sign?

Timmeehh said...

Amen!

Wouldn't this mean tax free ammunition, since it's a holy sacrament?

Same for serialization?

And of course our patron saint is JMB!!! PBUH.

kaveman said...

BobS, we accept all persons, we do not discriminate for those who belong to other churches.

Pistolero, welcome to the fold.

Molonlabe, we were thinking more along the lines of cleaning patches instead of waffers.

illinois vote, we did see a site were this was possible, not sure it's the same one.

Petey, you've got church elder potential.

The Saj, the official policy of the Church of G.O.D. is that all members tithe whatever percentage of their ammo as they see fit not to the church but to a new shooter that THEY take to the rifle range.

drjim, the internet is our temple. It cuts down on the overhead costs. We gather on the sites of the antis and smite them.

electricfunk, I need to work out some details but we will be charging a nominal fee and mailing out membership cards or possibly new arm patches.

timmeehh, there are some real potentials for the tax breaks given to churches but it requires some tax prep on our part as well. As far as JMB being a Saint, we already disscussed that and approved 2 weeks ago.

Thirdpower said...

So is anointing done w/ CLP or Hoppes?

kaveman said...

dock, didn't mean to leave you out, for some reason I didn't see your comment. We don't have brightly lit halos, but we do have some wicked muzzle flash.

kaveman said...

Thirdpower, Hoppes, most definitely Hoppes.

drjim said...

HALLELUJAH, BROTHERS!

Uh...are the robes in MARPAT, or digital cammo?

Thirdpower said...

Well, since this is Pantheistic, wouldn't the garments be determined by what they are a primary advocate of?

barbarian said...

By the muzzle flash we have seen the light, tread on us and expect a fight.
By the lock, the stock and the barrel as well, may all G.O.D.'s foes go straight to hell.
My your hand be steady, your aim be true, one ragged hole may your rounds pass through.
May rust and politics curse thee not, may your shots not string when your barrel gets hot.
May you have each week, each day, each hour, peace through superior firepower.
So until the lord calls us to Heaven, his will be done with a 1911.

drjim said...

Very nice, barbarian.

kaveman said...

drjim...

Your blog name of "every blade of grass"...

There's nothing more powerful than a 2A supporter with a firm grasp of history.

If I wore a hat, I would tip it to you.

drjim said...

Thank you, kaveman. I'm pretty new at blogging, but I've been shooting since I was knee-high to a grasshopper. My Dad taught me how to use and maintain his 1911, which saved his hide a few times in New Guinea during WWII when he was in the SeaBees. He also taught me to love my country, and to respect soldiers, sailors, firemen, policemen, and teachers. He was quite a guy, and reading Brigid's blog the other day about made me cry. I think with the way things are headed in our country, he's crying too.

Anonymous said...

Amen!

I have been thinking about this but thought I was the only one. Please go through with this if only to find out how far it can be pushed! I think the Sieks can wear long knifes in public even where prohibited because it is their religion.

I can see it now brothers: No church is needed and mass shall be held 3 minutes prior to the begining of the match. A can shall be passed around and a round shall be donated to those less fortunate. We shall bow our heads in silence and load our magazines. The pastor shall lead the flock to the range and close the sermon with a beep and several bangs.

Amen.

kaveman said...

drjim...

i am but a lowly guest bloggger on the site of another, but my passsion is not diminished. I am now known as a smart-ass that comments on the blogs of others, and I'm cool with that.

What I'm trying to to do here is to raise awareness that we are a community. Seperated by geographical locations we are, but we are all bound to a common goal.

Freedom.

I may never meet you, but you are in my fox hole. I may never know you, but I will cover your your back.

All that I ask is that you be on my wing.

Together, we shall prevail.

drjim said...

Roger that, kaveman!
I'll fly wing with you anytime. Just hope a little Cessna can keep up, because that's all I've ever flown!

kaveman said...

Drjim...

Once you have identified one thing in this world worth dying to defend, I can show you one thing worth killing to protect.

Ya, I'm a smart-ass, but you'd be hard presssed to find a better mate inside a fox hole.

Whoever you are, I will seek out what we hold in common and defend it with my life.

That is the way of the kaveamn.

Anonymous said...

"...while not created equal..."

Might I suggest:

'...while created of equal standing, but unequal faculties...'

Molon Labe said...

Too bad we weren't up and running prior to ash wednesday. Some dirty Wolf ammo residue on the forehead would have been a nice touch.

DirtCrashr said...

Sure starting a Church is easy, even working up a snappy liturgy and functioning theology is also pretty easy, but as the son of a preacher I can say that keeping it running, out of the hands of the greedy and unscrupulous, and the congregation growing in Faith and devotion - that is hard! :-)

Peter said...

Nobody has mentioned beer. There's no beer at the church I already attend, so there has to be beer at this one. Let us say together, as one:

"Verily, as I clean and lubricate my weapon after a range trip, so shall I be lubricated."

:)

Grumpyunk said...

DirtCrashr said...

Sure starting a Church is easy, - L. Ron Hubbard started one on a bet and look what became of that!

kirk said...

Don't forget to include this...

"And now we have a reading from the Book of Armaments (Chapter 2, verses 9-21), as follows: "And the LORD spake, saying, first shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither thou count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."
"

K

Farm.Dad said...

If you will print up some form of documentation for your members/pastors I would be willing to " render unto Cesar " in the form of E-ducats for a suitably frameable cert lol Even if emailed and i were responsible for printing . oO( i can just see a border on the cert of intertwined firearms lol )

Anonymous said...

Don't recall the original source, but ...

I hereby proclaim the establishment of the of
the Holy Equestrian order of the Knights of Saint John Moses
.
Where the ownership, display and use of naughty weapons is part of religious worship.
Where we pray fortnightly at the altar of our blessed lady of holy trigger control.
Where are hung the many tenets of our faith:
Thou shalt not point the naughty end of thine weapon at any that thoust dost not intendeth to pink mist
Thou shalt keep thine finger straight as the lords staff and off the holy trigger until thou ist most ready to release the fire and brimstone of the wrath of Saint John Moses
Thou shalt always treatest thine shooting rod as thou it were loadedeth whether thee hast loaded it or nay
Thou shalt know the design of thine sidearm as the good lord did intend for man to know his armaments; thou shalt know it's function and use; thou shalt know its cleaning and maintainance; thou shalt know its ballistics and metrics
Thou shalt always rebuke the devil in all his forms; as senators from california, and as Mayors from Chicago.
Thou shalt have the sacred honor to carry a holy artifact of Saint John Moses wherever thou walkest that is not the home of another man.
Thou shalt be charged with defence of and true allegience to the faith.

For, in the beginning, God did give a great gift upon Saint John Moses, and He said unto him:
"Go, John Moses, and create what I have designed for you to create. Create Holy Artifacts for the just and righteous to carry by their side, so that they shall not fear wherever they roam for all the days of their lives."
And John Moses did hear the word of our lord and didst followeth His words.
The lord saw, and it was Good.
And the lord rejoiced and sent to aid his servant, other saints.
Saint Samuel, who didst follow the guidance of the lord and made men peacemakers.
Saint Smith and Saint Wesson. Saint Heckler and Saint Koch.
And the lord looked out upon the faces of his servants and said:
"go forth now, and proliferate your works throughout the earth"
And the servants of the lord did.
The Gospel according to Cyclic rate.
Let us pray.
As it was in the X-ring, now and until the depletion of the magazine,
forever and ever.
cleared Hot.

Dan said...

Careful what you wish for... It sounds great, wonderful and necessary. But, separation of church and state may yield unintended consequences when it comes to firearms safety courses offered at "state" institutions. ;)

Now that I have my bit of snerkiness done with... grand idea y'all. My only question is... Is this a non-denominational type of gathering or must the .45 types not associate with the 9 mm types?

If so, won't work out real good for me as I am a 9 mm, .40, .44, .45... oh, you get the idea type. ;)

Stevie Reno said...

I am ready to start a Mississippi congregation, Brothers.

jdege said...

There have been courts who have found that the religious obligation of Sikhs to always carry a Kirpan (a sword or knive), as a symbol of their willingness to fight oppression, is a protected form of religious expression.

Back around 2001, inspired by the example of the Sikhs, a number of folks began a rather informal disorganization known as the Church of John Moses Browning, adherents of which are required to carry at all times, well, you know, as a symbol of their willingness to fight oppression.

I don't believe anyone ever got around to actually filing papers, though.

Epsilon Given said...

I learned about the Church of G.O.D. from a link from a comment (#10 Cook) on Snowflakes in Heck. (http://www.snowflakesinhell.com/2011/04/25/i-love-being-protested/#comment-91962)

I like the idea, but being a deeply religious person, having G.O.D. as part of the name makes me a little squeamish, in that it seems to me borderline sacrilegious. Of course, it being 2011 that I'm making this comment, it may be two years too late to try to change the name!

In any case, I hope this pans out...