Friday, July 27, 2012

Quick Daniel, to the Brady Cave!


I apologize for not jumping on the Batman Shooting bandwagon but from what I’ve seen, it’s been sufficiently covered. What I haven’t seen is the behind the scenes look into the reaction and underlying strategy of the antis.

That’s where I come in.

I’ve been volunteering for the Brady Chapter here in Oregon to do a little recon on my favorite prey. Last Friday, the day of the Aurora Shooting, we all got called in for an early start and were told we’d be working straight through the weekend.

Wow, epic fail…and not the sort I normally enjoy writing about.

I failed.

After we all chugged 17 bottles of champagne at 4am, they stuck me in a small room for what they called “face book patrol.” I got the crap job of deleting every comment which made them look like the fools that they are because I’m the new guy. I could hear the celebration continue on the other side of the door. After 5 hours straight of hitting the delete button, someone pounded on the door and reminded me to click all the “like” buttons several times.

After sheer boredom set in, I decided to comfort myself by calling an old friend…

Ring…Ring…Ring

Helmke: Hello?
Kaveman: Howdy Paul, how you holding up?
Helmke: (heavy sigh)- I…I dunno.
Kaveman: Depressed about the news, huh?
Helmke: No, I don’t give a crap about the news anymore…I’m unemployed.
Kaveman: But all those innocent victims, I thought you’d be thrilled…to death.
Helmke: Yeah, whatever…screw them.
Kaveman: You’ve gotten jaded my old friend.
Helmke: Yeah, well screw you too, you just called to gloat didn’t you?
Kaveman: True enough, but what did you expect, I got bored.
Helmke: You know what’s gonna happen just as well as I do; you just want to rub salt into the wound.
Kaveman: Whatever do you mean, old friend?
Helmke: Let me tell you what you already know…
Kaveman: Oh boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Story time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Helmke: Let me break this down for you like a good recipe for bad ju-ju.

1. Premier showing of a movie about the one and only Super Hero with no super powers. Just a regular guy with lots of disposable income and lots of weaponry…just like you
2. Mass shooting of innocents; the type Batman defends with the most vigor.
3. All subsequent showings of the movie are now filled with people watching a Knight fighting scum bags while having the tickle in the backs of their minds about becoming more like Batman and taking responsibility for their own safety, because deep down, they know that Batman is fiction, but lunatics are very, very real.
4. Gun control advocates and MSM alike throw everything against the wall to see what sticks and can’t help spouting the most outrageous lies which are so transparent that even non gun owners start to question our honesty and integrity.
5. We fracture and fail to present a united front. Brady plays it safe by pleading for background checks on private sales in a piss poor fashion. CSGV pleads for banning mags which hold more than 10 rounds. The VPC goes all bat-shit crazy and screams for banning an entire class of firearms which will never get through congress. SUPGV tries to suck any teat promoted and is relegated to oblivion.
We have no cohesion and therefore no impact.

6. The true antis will force Obama into a corner in an election year and make him look either idiotic or oblivious, neither is good for us.
7. And to top it all off, the Summer Olympic Games are already stealing the spot light.
8. Just as we failed to capitalize on a Senator getting shot in the face, and everything before that, what we are doing now clearly isn’t working.

Kaveman: So what’s you strategy going forward?

Helmke: With my head hung low, I hope the antis have a new generation of small dick jokes.

Kaveman: So you’re pretty much done, huh?

Helmke: We’ve been done awhile now…but…GOD, I hope we have some new dick jokes.



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3 comments:

Miguel said...

You did hit the bottle of booze tonite...LOL

kaveman said...

Well, it is friday after all.

Anonymous said...

thanks for sharing.