Ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to the center ring where King Richard II will attempt to deny Chicago has a gang problem on one hand while using the other to claim the city's handgun ban is a good idea.
In ring number two we will shine the spotlight on Governor Rod "Unindicted Official A" Blagojevich as he attempts to force Speaker Mike "The Obstructionist" Madigan to throw more taxpayers' money at people and causes that A-Rod deems worthy, even though they are totally undeserving.
In ring number three we have Todd "The Irkl" Stroger smirking his way to huge tax increases aimed solely at giving his friends and relatives the kind of life they could only dream about if they were forced to get real jobs.
While these clowns finish off what's left of the great State of Illinois, we've also started a roadshow featuring Barack "I'm looking for spare change" Obama, who promises to begin the demolition of the entire United States of America.
Your ticket to our circus is free; you only need to do what you've been doing all along -- absolutely nothing. Keep watching your TV, listening to your I-Pod and texting on your cell phone and leave the rest to us.
This is great fun for boys and girls of all ages!
-Ringmaster Ned
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