Thursday, June 28, 2012

Attention to details

Some of you know where I work and we are going through yet another “workforce reduction” followed by the infamous woofer program. I know you don’t know what woofer is, but we all do. It sucks. We’re losing a lot of good people who are being lured by a right nice early retirement bonus. Those that will be left will have to pick up the pieces and fill all the gaps created.

So just as we gun fetishist loon cakes like to prepare for the worst in the ultimate sense, we also tend to look for “Plan B’s” in life in general.

What if I lose my job?

So I’m cruising the Brady Bunch site and ogling their “job opportunities,” making a short list based on the qualifications criteria. Here are direct quotes followed by my commentary.


 1. Well organized with good attention to details
2. Excellent interpersonal and communication (both verbal and written) skills
3. A strong team orientation
4. High level of initiative

Hmmm…I notice that there should be a full colon after the word “Qualifications,”  each numbered item is an incomplete sentence with no punctuation and that #1 is indented past #’s 2, 3 & 4. Attention to details ya know.

A law degree from an accredited law school. (Law students who have not yet graduated will be considered for internship positions.) The ideal candidate will have a creative and able legal mind, persuasive and clear writing skills, and an interest in preventing deaths and injuries caused by guns. Fellows should work well with others, be self-motivated, focused, and bring a pleasant attitude to the office.

Here we see the full colon where it’s not needed as the text which follows is not a simple list.


1) Ability to write clearly, concisely and creatively. 
2) Excellent interpersonal and communication (both verbal and written) skills. 
3) A strong team orientation. 
4) High level of initiative.

Now we see “Qualifications” not in bold, the full colon absent and the periods which were previously following the numbers moved to the end of an incomplete sentence while being replaced by a bracket.

Last but not least…

Interns should have the ability to:

1) Conceptualize, shoot, and edit digital videos quickly, sometimes on a daily basis 
2) Translate concepts, statistics, and written materials into visual presentations 
3) Excellent interpersonal and communication (both verbal and written) skills
4) A strong team orientation
5) High level of initiative.

The word “Qualifications” has been replaced entirely, the third comma used should actually be a semi colon, and the brackets all survive yet only #5 ends in a period.

Am I nitpicking? Yes. But I believe it’s indicative of the Brady Bunch as a whole.

Do they have multiple unpaid interns crafting the Help Wanted section for other unpaid jobs or is just one doofus crafting the Help Wanted section who doesn’t even meet the qualifications criteria?

My next post will be my resume submission to the Brady Campaign.

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Anonymous said...

Where's the "Ability to make up and create bogus statistics on the fly" To falsely prove a point requirement?

Or Lie thru one's teeth convincingly qualification?

kaveman said...


Did you read through the job requirements when they were seeking a new president after giving Helmke the boot?

They are actually quite honest in their internal conversations.

AuricTech said...

Exactly what is "the ability to excellent interpersonal and communication (both verbal and written) skills," and how do interns demonstrate that they have it? Would sending e-mails to pro-rights legislators, informing them that "all your base are belong to us," suffice?

kaveman said...

That is closely related to "the ability to a strong team orientation."

But WTF do I know, I'm just a knuckle-dragger.

Anonymous said...

I feel like I've got a full colon just by looking at their site.

HerrBGone said...

I was going to point out that the full colon itself is the most important qualification since to join their staff the prospective candidate needs to be full of it...

Anonymous said...

Did anyone notice that in the posting for a lawyer they only want someone who's interested in preventing death by gun? I suppose they might call it mission accomplished if they could get someone to put down the gun and pick up the knife. Well at least he didn't SHOOT them!