Kim Jong Il is dead.

And has been for at least five years according to a Japanese researcher.

The question has baffled foreign intelligence agencies for years, but a veteran Japanese expert on North Korea says the “dear leader” is actually dead — and his role is played by a double.

Sorry. That's no double. There's a reason we've been preparing for a zombie apocalypse and it's starting in North Korea. The reason everyone looks gaunt and starving there? The majority of the nation is actually undead and preparing to sweep across the continent. The few actual living humans are carefully cultivated for propaganda purposes.